If you're searching for how to increase intimacy in marriage, I know exactly what you're going through. You’re likely feeling like something essential is missing in your relationship. You love your wife, but you don’t feel that deep connection anymore. The sex is gone, the affection is rare, and you’re walking on eggshells hoping things will somehow improve.
I’ve been there. My name is Paul Bauer, and I lived through a 14-year marriage that went cold. I used to think intimacy meant talking more, sharing feelings, and scheduling more date nights. And while those things sound good on paper, they didn’t move the needle when it came to reigniting the passion.
That’s why I wrote Get Her To F*ck You Again. Because I learned—too late—what it really takes to increase intimacy in marriage. And if I knew then what I know now, I might have saved that marriage. This post is about giving you the wake-up call and the roadmap I wish I had years earlier.
Real Intimacy Starts with Polarity
The truth is, the connection between a man and a woman is driven by polarity. Masculine and feminine energy create sexual tension—and without that, you're just roommates. For years, I ignored this. I was the nice guy, the emotionally available husband, the people-pleaser. I was constantly checking in, trying to make her happy, and putting her emotional needs ahead of my own.
I thought this made me a good man. Maybe it did. But it didn’t make me a man she wanted to be intimate with.
In Get Her To F*ck You Again, I explain how losing polarity is one of the most common and devastating mistakes men make in marriage. When you’re constantly trying to connect through conversation and emotional reassurance, without bringing any grounded masculine energy to the relationship, intimacy dies.
Masculine Leadership Reignites Attraction
Increasing intimacy in marriage means reclaiming your role as the leader. Not a dictator. Not a jerk. But a grounded, decisive, clear-headed man who lives with purpose. When I started shifting back into this version of myself, things began to change.
I stopped seeking validation. I started showing up differently. I got back into my body, reconnected with my mission, and made peace with setting boundaries. It wasn’t about punishing her—it was about remembering who I was. And when I did that, something incredible happened: her energy started shifting too.
She softened. She leaned in. And slowly, the tension returned—not the bad kind, but the good kind. The kind that makes her body want yours again.
Intimacy Isn’t Just About Sex, But Sex Is the Barometer
For a lot of men, when the sex stops, everything else starts to unravel. That was true for me. But I realized something important: the lack of sex wasn’t the problem. It was the warning sign. It was the indicator that the deeper connection—physical, emotional, and energetic—was broken.
In the book, I explain how to rebuild that connection by working on yourself first. Because when you increase intimacy in your marriage by showing up differently, she feels it. You don’t have to talk her into anything. You simply become the man who naturally evokes desire.
You Have to Do the Work—Here’s How
That’s why I created the 12-Week Workbook to go along with the book. Because awareness alone doesn’t change your life. Action does.
The workbook gives you structured, week-by-week guidance to help you make real changes—from the inside out. You’ll work on mindset, boundaries, purpose, and habits. You’ll confront the behaviors that pushed her away. And you’ll rebuild your masculine presence in a way that brings her closer without forcing anything.
This isn’t about quick fixes or manipulation. It’s about becoming a man who lives with integrity and strength—and who invites her to reconnect, not because she feels obligated, but because she genuinely wants to.
Stop Trying to Connect Through Words—Start Leading Through Presence
One of the most frustrating things for me was how little my wife responded to emotional check-ins and long talks. It felt like no matter how much I tried to understand her, the gap just kept growing.
What I didn’t understand at the time is that true connection doesn’t always happen through words. It happens through presence. When a man is grounded, calm, and certain, the woman in his life can relax and open up. But when he’s anxious, needy, and reactive, she subconsciously closes off.
You want to increase intimacy? Be the calm in her storm. Lead emotionally. Hold space—not by over-explaining yourself, but by embodying the man you were meant to be.
Why You Can’t Wait for Her to Change First
If you’re waiting for your wife to start being more affectionate, to initiate sex again, or to bring up the issue so you don’t have to, you’re giving your power away. And that’s part of the problem.
This journey begins when you make the decision to lead again. Not through control, but through conviction. Not by forcing her to do anything, but by inspiring her through who you are.
That’s the process I lay out in Get Her To F*ck You Again, and why the 12-Week Workbook exists—to make sure you don’t just read these ideas, but live them.
You Can Fix This—If You’re Willing to Lead
I know what it’s like to feel hopeless. I know what it’s like to wonder if she’ll ever want you again. And I know what it’s like to think maybe this is just what marriage becomes over time.
But I also know the power of transformation. Not hers—yours. When you start showing up with strength, purpose, and clarity, things shift. She feels it. And the intimacy you thought was gone forever starts to reawaken.
You can increase intimacy in marriage. You can fix the dead bedroom. You can turn it all around. But it starts with you.
Get Her To F*ck You Again is the roadmap. The 12-Week Workbook is the implementation. Your commitment is the fuel.
Start today. Lead again. And rediscover the intimacy you’ve been missing.
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