If you’re reading this, you probably know the quiet ache of a dead bedroom. I know it too—not just as a coach, but as a man who’s walked that path, made the mistakes, and found his way back. Over the years, I’ve worked with hundreds of men who felt invisible, unwanted, and lost. Most came to me believing their situation was hopeless. I wrote Get Her To F*ck You Again because I wanted men to finally have a playbook that doesn’t just patch things up for a week, but rewires the whole dynamic.
Today, I’m going to share exactly how the ideas in my book have changed lives—including my own—and how you can use them right now to start shifting things in your marriage. If you want deeper change and specific tools, grab the book on Amazon and, for serious results, get the 12-week workbook that goes with it.
The Real Reason Desire Disappears
Let’s be honest: nobody gets married expecting to feel ignored, rejected, or stuck in a sexless routine. But it happens. Often slowly, then all at once. You start out as the man she couldn’t keep her hands off. A few years pass. You compromise a little here, keep the peace a little there, and before you know it, you’re living with a roommate instead of a lover.
Most guys think the solution is to be nicer, do more chores, listen harder, or talk more about feelings. Those things don’t hurt, but they’re not what ignites desire. I explain in the introduction of Get Her To Fck You Again*: the death of attraction is almost always a slow slide from the man you were at the start into someone “safer,” more agreeable, and less inspiring. I call it betatization. And unless you wake up and reverse it, nothing else you try will work.
Why “Trying Harder” Makes Things Worse
One of my clients, we’ll call him Mark, was classic nice-guy material. He was always available, always doing whatever he thought his wife wanted. He stopped making decisions, stopped leading, and started looking to her for approval on everything. The result? She pulled away, became distant, and their sex life vanished.
Mark tried everything—date nights, gifts, “deep talks,” even couples therapy. The harder he tried, the worse it got. That’s because real attraction doesn’t respond to negotiation or appeasement. It’s not about earning points or keeping score. Attraction is visceral. It’s not a “to-do list.” When a man gives up the drive, confidence, and unpredictability he had at the beginning, it’s only a matter of time before things go cold.
Understanding Betatization and Attraction
The betatization process is gradual. You lose your presence, stop taking up space, and start waiting for permission. You become overly predictable, too accommodating, and stop setting the tone. As I lay out in Chapter 1 of Get Her To F*ck You Again, this isn’t about being a jerk or ignoring your wife’s needs. It’s about bringing back the polarity that drew you together in the first place.
Women test men—sometimes consciously, often not—to see if they still have that “something.” I go deep into this in my chapters on communication and “shit tests.” The men who pass these tests are the ones who can remain calm, steady, and confident, no matter what’s thrown at them. When you can do that, everything changes.
The Male Action Plan: The Start of a New You
If you feel stuck in a dead bedroom, the solution is not to fix her. It’s to upgrade yourself. That’s why Chapter 2 is all about the Male Action Plan (MAP), inspired by frameworks like Athol Kay’s work. You have to address four key areas: your fitness, your finances, your social life, and your inner confidence.
Why fitness? It’s not just about looks—it’s about discipline, self-respect, and energy. When you start improving your body, you signal to yourself and your wife that you value yourself again. Why finances? Because control and stability are deeply attractive. When you have your money handled, you have one less thing to stress about—and your decisiveness grows.
Your social life matters too. Men who focus everything on their marriage lose their appeal. Women want a man who brings a full life to the table, not a man whose entire world shrinks to the living room couch.
And confidence—real confidence—is built on taking action, not just thinking about it. You become attractive again when you know your worth and move through life with purpose.
Why “Nice Guys” Finish Last in the Bedroom
This was one of the hardest truths for me to accept, and for a lot of my clients too. Being nice doesn’t spark desire. When men give up their drive and self-respect, women stop seeing them as romantic options and start treating them more like background noise. Dr. Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy goes deep on this, but the principle runs through all the material I cover: you can’t bargain your way into being wanted. You have to reclaim your standards, your purpose, and your presence.
How Predictability Kills Passion
Routine can be a relationship killer. I explain in my book how predictability and being too accommodating makes you less appealing. The solution isn’t to be mysterious for the sake of it, but to re-engage with your goals, take up your space, and stop living for her approval. When you’re focused on something bigger than the marriage—your mission, your health, your personal growth—you become the man she wanted from the start.
Why Emotional Strength Is the Missing Ingredient
A dead bedroom isn’t about feelings—it’s about energy. Emotional strength means you don’t collapse when things get tense. You know how to handle her moods, handle setbacks, and keep moving. As you work through the exercises in the 12-week workbook, you’ll see that the process of building emotional resilience is the same process that reignites attraction.
Rebuilding Respect Is the Key
You can’t have attraction without respect. You don’t get respect by pleading, apologizing, or explaining. You get it by standing for something, setting boundaries, and leading by example. Every guy who’s followed the plan in my book and workbook has seen respect come back first—then desire follows.
Passing Her “Tests” Without Getting Defensive
She’s going to test you. That’s her subconscious way of checking if you’re still the man who can handle her, life, and yourself. The wrong move is to react emotionally or try to argue. The right move is to respond with calm, humor, or a light touch—and keep moving. I cover dozens of examples in my book and walk you through them in the workbook.
Why Self-Improvement Triggers Attraction
It’s not just about looking better or having more money. When you start improving yourself in multiple areas, your energy changes. She can feel it. So can everyone else. You walk differently, speak differently, and show up in a new way. That’s what gets noticed. You’re not doing it for her, but for yourself.
Don’t Wait for Her to Change—Start With Yourself
Most men in dead bedrooms wait for their wife to “come around.” That’s a losing game. The sooner you focus on your own actions, the sooner things start to shift. If she’s ever going to respond, it’s going to be to a man who’s living life on his own terms. Not the man who’s waiting for her permission to start.
The Reality: This Is About You, Not Just the Relationship
Following my process doesn’t guarantee your marriage will be saved, and I’m upfront about that in Get Her To F*ck You Again. Sometimes the relationship is too far gone. But if you work the plan, you will either re-ignite attraction in your marriage or put yourself in a position to have options. That’s real power. And that’s the power I want for every man who reads my book or completes the 12-week workbook.
Real Stories, Real Results
I’ve had clients who went from sleeping in separate bedrooms for years to having their wives reach for them again. Others realized, after doing the work, that their marriage wasn’t worth saving—and they were ready to move on with confidence. The outcome is less important than the process of rebuilding yourself. That’s the only real guarantee.
Why the 12-Week Workbook Is a Game-Changer
Reading a book is good. But actually doing the exercises, writing things down, tracking progress, and reflecting on your growth is how real change happens. The 12-week workbook is designed to keep you accountable and give you structure. Every week you’re asked tough questions, set new targets, and get clear on what matters most. Most guys see their first wins in the first few weeks—if they’re consistent.
Take Action—Don’t Wait
If you want to fix your dead bedroom, start today. Order Get Her To F*ck You Again on Amazon and commit to working through the 12-week workbook. Whether you’re in crisis or just feeling stuck, these resources are your first step out of the fog.
You don’t need to settle for a marriage with no spark, no intimacy, and no hope. Real change is possible. But it starts with you making the decision to become the man you were always meant to be.
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