My Marriage Is Sexless: How Can I Change It? (Real Solutions for Men)

 Waking up every day next to your wife and feeling more like roommates than lovers is a pain that cuts deep. The questions start piling up. How did things get this way? Can I fix it? Is there still hope for us? I’ve had these thoughts myself, and I’ve coached countless men through the same situation. What I’ve learned—both personally and professionally—is that a sexless marriage isn’t a dead end. It’s a wake-up call and an opportunity to build something even stronger.

Understanding Why Sex Disappears

The first step to change is understanding what caused the passion to fade. Most men don’t notice the slow drift away from intimacy. It usually starts with stress, routines, parenting, work, and just plain exhaustion. What feels like a “phase” soon becomes the new normal.

In Get Her To F*ck You Again, I explain that desire fades when men stop showing up as the confident, inspired version of themselves. Over time, you might slip into passivity, always doing what’s expected and putting your own goals on hold. Attraction fades when the spark of excitement and unpredictability is lost.

One client, “Sean,” came to me after almost two years without sex. He kept blaming stress, but deep down he’d lost touch with the man he once was—passionate, adventurous, and proud of himself.

The Pitfalls of Fixing and Pleasing

It’s common to react to a sexless marriage by trying to please your wife even more. You might buy gifts, offer help, or constantly check in with her needs. While good intentions matter, this often makes things worse. Your wife doesn’t want you to just be helpful—she wants to feel drawn to you, to respect and admire you.

One client, “Mike,” tried everything from planning date nights to reading relationship blogs. The more he focused on fixing his wife’s mood, the colder things became. It wasn’t until he turned his attention inward and focused on his own growth that things began to shift.

Why Talking About Sex Doesn’t Work

Many men think that talking openly about sex will solve the problem. They bring it up at dinner, ask for more intimacy, and hope for understanding. But real attraction and desire can’t be negotiated or reasoned into being. When you talk too much about what’s missing, it adds pressure and creates distance.

In my book, I teach that attraction grows from action and energy, not conversation. If you want your wife to want you again, show up as the man who makes her feel excited and secure. Words are cheap—consistent actions are magnetic.

Reclaiming Your Identity

So, how can you actually change your sexless marriage? The first step is to become the kind of man you admire. Start investing in yourself, rediscover old hobbies, get fit, connect with friends, and set personal goals. When you live with a sense of purpose, your wife will see you differently.

“David,” a client who followed my system, hadn’t had sex with his wife in a year. He focused on his health, began pursuing new interests, and carried himself with new confidence. Slowly, the atmosphere at home changed. His wife became more affectionate, flirted again, and their intimacy returned.

Building Respect and Attraction

Respect is the foundation of desire. If your wife doesn’t see you as someone to admire, intimacy dries up. Building respect isn’t about being controlling or demanding—it’s about having boundaries, making decisions with conviction, and valuing yourself.

Another client, “Lucas,” was always available, always agreeable, and always trying to keep his wife happy. She saw him as reliable but not exciting. When he began standing up for himself, making his own plans, and saying “no” when needed, the dynamic shifted. Suddenly, his wife was more attentive and interested.

The Importance of Consistency

Quick fixes don’t work in a sexless marriage. Your wife might be skeptical if you make big changes for a week or two. The only way to rebuild attraction is through steady, genuine growth. This is why I created the 12-week workbook—it’s a step-by-step plan that helps men stay on track, week after week, until new habits are locked in.

Clients who stick with the workbook report dramatic changes, not just in their marriage, but in how they feel about themselves. Confidence returns, energy grows, and passion follows.

Letting Go of Pressure and Expectations

It’s easy to start expecting quick results. But pressure kills attraction. Let go of needing immediate changes from your wife. Instead, commit to building a life you’re proud of—regardless of how long it takes for intimacy to return.

My client, “Chris,” stopped asking for sex and started investing in his career, health, and social life. When he stopped keeping score and let his happiness come from within, his wife’s attitude changed. Desire returned, not from demands, but from genuine attraction.

Addressing Old Resentments

Long-term sexlessness often brings resentment and disappointment. If you’re holding onto old frustrations, it’s time to let them go. Forgive yourself, forgive your wife, and focus on building something new. When you stop living in the past, you create room for excitement to grow again.

Stories of Men Who Changed Everything

Let me share a few examples.
“Ethan” was certain his marriage was beyond repair. He used the principles in my book and the 12-week workbook to rebuild his life. In less than six months, his wife went from distant to affectionate, and they started having the kind of sex life they’d both missed.

“Tom” felt rejected for years. By committing to the process—improving himself, living with confidence, and letting go of old patterns—he and his wife not only rebuilt their physical connection, but found new joy in being together.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it possible to fix a sexless marriage if my wife isn’t interested at all?
Yes, but not by asking for sex. Change starts with your own growth. Attraction follows when you focus on becoming the best version of yourself.

Should I tell my wife what I’m doing?
Let your actions speak. When she sees real, lasting change, curiosity and respect follow.

How long will it take to see results?
Every marriage is different. Some see changes in a few weeks, others need more time. Consistency is what matters.

What if nothing changes?
Even if it takes longer, you’ll become stronger, happier, and more fulfilled. Most men are shocked at how quickly their marriage changes when they truly commit.

Your First Step—Take Action Now

A sexless marriage doesn’t have to be permanent. You can create the marriage you want—but it starts with you. Read Get Her To F*ck You Again, get the 12-week workbook, and start your journey today. The answers are within reach. You don’t have to settle for disappointment or loneliness—real passion is possible.

You have one life and one marriage. Don’t waste another day waiting for things to fix themselves. Take action, and watch how everything starts to change.